Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,



Feb 21 2013

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What do you say when someone asks “how are you doing?”


I know it may seem like an easy question to answer but for a special needs parent, that’s not always the case. The truth is that this is a loaded question not easily answered.

Speaking from personal experience, most people can’t really handle the truth.


People ask me all the time how I’m doing.  Typically, if they’re asking me in person, than they likely don’t read my blog.  So I generally answer them with something that they will be comfortable hearing, like, “I’m going great, how about you?”

What am I supposed to say?

If I answer them truthfully, things become pretty awkward.  There are times that I’ve had a really bad day and someone asks me how I’m doing.  I’ve been known to be really honest and you should see the looks I get.  People don’t know what to say.

If I’m asked by another special needs parent, I feel more comfortable being honest because I know that they understand.

Over the years, I’ve found that I tend to try making my life more comfortable for the people around me.  That’s not really a good thing because in trying to spare people for the truth, I’m only hurting myself.

With all that said, I was wondering how you folks answer that question? Are you honest or is it easier to just say that you’re doing great, even if that couldn’t be farther from the truth?

This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos. I know how to spell but auto-correct hates me.  ;-)

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When someone asks me how I am doing it can sometimes be pretty evident that I am THAT frazzled mom running errands at wal-mart. I will flat out tell people that I hope my day gets better soon. I sheepishly joke with them. My kids know when I have had it and they know when they have acted inapproproately in public. I do the best I can and I try to be honest with people. I do strugge however with the fact that I will tell acquaintances that the kids are really testing my patience and the snarky answers I give. I owe my kids better than that but everyday is a struggle for us and many of the days are overwhelming. I do most of the parenting by myself and when my hubby is home I spend a good amount of time putting out fires between him and the kids


ChrisCrane 1 Like

if they are in your personal life,and can't handle the truth (the good , the bad and down right ugly,) cut them loose , sounds harsh, well so is my life, i will not waste my energy ,time ,effort , on people that just want lip service . our lives are too complicated ,to exhausting ,and sometimes weirdly wonderful , to waste on people who won't get on this ride with us. Be brave enough to either care about my family's life ,or leave us alone. Believe me , It is your loss, my kids 4 of them 2 on the spectrum ,been on this ride for 25 years ,21 as a special needs parents ,yes we have cried ,and grieved ,but we have been changed and blessed and laughed ,and been taught things i would never would of learned . I have learned what prejudice looks like and feels like , i have learned i can have communication with out words , i know there is a God , because I live with a person everyday that has more compassion , patience  and goes through this world that  does not see him or appreciate him . and he smiles almost all day , everyday!  My other special son,is very verbal, kind, kinda like peter pan ,helpful ,funny , The younger years were hard, beyond hard, My other 2 NT's gave me the pleasure of normal milestones , but you also learn all kids come with their challenges whether they are "special " or not . Tell the truth,if they can't handle it , they don't deserve you and your life, because we  have taught been taught compassion,empathy ,forgiveness, and when life slaps you down ,or you screw up royally , i will hand you the truth ,and help you pick up the pieces. Because i have been there, blown it , stood on more ledges than i care to admit , and learned it ,DID NOT KILL ME! i am strong ,and i can help you believe you will and can be too. So stand for you life,your family ,what your going through, it is your truth . Someone might just look back at their conversation with you,and say , well they did it ,they made it, they are even happy , Maybe I can too.    Gloria


TrishMorrin 1 Like

Hi Rob. Just wanted to say Hi. Ita easier to say your doing ok even though your not. Your Gavin it seems has stolen a spot in my heart. I dont know why but I cant stop thinking about him. My son Khai does not have the health issues Gavin has, but they look alike , maybe its something similar to what you experienced with Tim. I would love to stay in contact to see how Gavin and your family are doing. Trish

lostandtired moderator

@TrishMorrin thanks 🙂 absolutely, I would love to stay in contact and I will keep everyone updated as well. 🙂

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