Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,

Tag Archive: talk

Mar 25 2013

#Autism and talking about death or loss


I think that this is an extremely important topic and one that we are experiencing right now. How do you talk to your Autistic child about death? I think that this is a very sensitive issue because we have very sensitive kids. How do you explain to a child, let alone a child with Autism, that a loved one has passed on? How a situation like this is handled can have a lasting impact on your child.

I spoke to Elliott and Emmett this morning because they were going to noticed that something was different about Mommy. For anyone that’s a bit tardy to the party, Lizze lost her Aunt Paula early this morning. She fought a war against cancer for a very, very long time. She is among the bravest souls I have ever had the honor of knowing.

Lizze and her Aunt Paula were very, very close and so she has been hit hard by this. I wanted to make sure that the boys understood what was going on because they are prone to anxiety and they will worry their little heads off about their Mommy.

I explained to them that “Mommy might be acting a little different than you’re used to. Everything is okay but Mommy’s just really sad.” They wanted to know why and I explained to them that “Aunt Paula was very sick and she died last night.” I needed to be very careful that they didn’t generalize this as people on the Autism Spectrum can do.

I couldn’t have them fearing that anyone that gets sick is going to die. They understood for the most part, at least Elliott did. Emmett kept asking friggin questions that I really didn’t know how to answer.


My kids are very intuitive and never seem to be satisfied with age appropriate answers, especially Elliott. I absolutely dread have the sex talk with him. I can’t imagine the questions he will have then……

Today’s talk with the boys about death and loss went pretty well. They seem to understand and I actually survived the discussion without putting my foot in my mouth, not even once.

Something to remember is that every child is different.

A discussion of this caliber, benefits from having thought about what to say before you say it. There are so many times that I thought I could handle a sensitive conversation with my kids, only to end up completely frazzled and panicked because my kids started asking questions I wasn’t prepared to answer. Whenever possible, you should plan the conversation out, for the love of God, don’t wing it unless you have no other choice.

Keep the following in mind:

1.) Keep the conversation simple.

2.) Remember to be age and developmentally appropriate.

3.) Be prepared to answer questions in a very matter of fact way.

4.) Don’t freak out if your asked a question you don’t know how to answer. Simply redirect.

5.) Many kids on the Autism spectrum can an will pick up on your subconscious ques. If you’re upset, they’re upset.

6.) Be very reassuring and remind them that they are okay.

7.) Try to smile, even if you feel like vomiting. Remember they will follow you’re lead.

8.) Don’t drag the conversation out too long.

9.) Redirect, if the conversation takes a turn you want to avoid.

10.) Remember that you may have to explain things differently to different kids, even if they are siblings and don’t forget that you can redirect if you need to. This can and will be a life saver for you.

This list is meant to provide you with the basic tools needed to approach a sensitive conversation like death or loss. Sometimes it’s best to involve a professional, like we do. We have Dr. Patti to fall back on whenever we need guidance or simply don’t know what to say or do.

I wish you the best of luck and remember you can always share your experience here and everyone would be happy to help. In fact, please share your tips or tricks, as they relate to discussing sensitive issues with your kids on the Autism spectrum.

This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. ;-)

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.

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Dec 05 2012

Let’s talk “apps” for #Autism


Something that I have been wanting to do for awhile but haven‘t had the time, was to compile a list of recommended apps.

The use of mobile devices such as android smartphones or tablets and iPads or iPhones, have become an amazing tool for use with children on the #Autism spectrum.


What I would like to do is encourage you to share your favorite apps for either android or iOS. 

In the comments below, please give the name of the app you’re recommending, along with the platform (android or iOS) and if possible, a direct link to the app on the Google Play Store.  I don’t know how that works for apple but you can browse the Google Play store from your computer and actually install apps OTA.


I will take your recommendations and add them to a page that I’m working on that will help parents locate apps for use with their special needs children. 

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Aug 14 2012

How do you handle feeling “Lost and Tired”


I suppose the title is self-explanatory but just in case. :-)


So many of you have contacted me and said that Lost and Tired describes how you feel on many occasions. However, we have never really discussed how you handle feeling Lost and Tired.

When you find yourself feeling that way, what do you do?

I know that breaks are very often out the question. Is there a favorite song you listen to? Maybe a show you watch? Do you talk to someone?

I was just wondering, because I don‘t even know what to do sometimes. At times, I’m listen to music or perhaps more obviously, I blog. I’m always looking for new ideas on how to better cope with what life brings my way.

Maybe we can all help each other…….

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May 29 2012

10 Things You Don’t Know About Me


I thought it would be a growing experience for me to share with you 10 things about myself that I don’t share with many people. Some of these things are very personal  and I never talk about.  I’m trying to grow as a person and so I think that by sharing these things,  maybe I can do just that. This list is in no particular order of importance or significance to me.

10 Thing’s You Don’t Known About Me

1) I’m terrified of the dentist and haven’t seen one in over 10 years.  I take good care of my teeth but I get sick just thinking about going to the dentist.

2) I’m ashamed that when Gavin has behavioral issues,  I sometimes view him differently than I do my biological children. I perceive him as a threat and instinctively want to protect the boys from his behaviors.

3) I hate Gavin’s biological father and paternal grandmother for everything they did to Gavin and my family.  They abused Gavin and there was nothing we could do to stop it.  I will never forgive myself for what happened to my Gavin.

4) I sometimes miss my old life.  My life before I became a husband and a father.  Life is so stressful and I miss the simpler times. Having said that,  I would do this all over again if given the choice.

5) I haven’t been to see my Grandmother’s grave since the funeral,  many years ago.

6) I grew up with a neighbor that was a pedophile.  He did a lot of damage to me and many others. He was never prosecuted and I often think about confronting him. I think this is part of why I’m so sensitive to Gavin’s inappropriate touching.

7) I performed CPR on a 15 year old girl who was hit, literally run over and dragged by 2 cars, at high speed on the freeway.  You can’t even imagine what that was like. All of her clothes had been ground off of her and there wasn’t an unbroken bone in her entire body. I have never recovered from that experience and will never be able to remove those images from my head.

8 ) I lost a patient once,  that had been fighting with his wife prior to be taken to the hospital.  He went downhill so fast and we were so far away from the hospital.  The last thing he said was, “tell my wife I’m sorry and I love her”. I never did.  I had no idea how to say that and it’s haunted me ever since and affect my relationship with Lizze to this day.

9) I’m terrified that Gavin is slowly dying. So many bizarre and major things are going wrong with his health and no one can tell us how much worse this is going to get. They can’t even tell us what’s happening. I don’t know how much time we have left and I feel guilty correcting Gavin all the time because I don’t know what’s what with him. I know we have to do this but I’m afraid the last memories he will have of us or us of him, will be that of conflict.

10) I’m absolutely ashamed that I can’t do better or more for my family than I am.  A father is supposed to provide for his kids and give them a comfortable,  safe place to live and grow up.  A husband is supposed to that care of his wife and make sure she gets what she needs to improve her health. No matter what I do,  I can’t make anything better and whether or not it’s rational, it’s how I feel.

Posted from WordPress for Android so please forgive any typos as auto correct and I don’t get along very well sometimes.

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May 25 2012

#Autism: Screaming


Emmett John has woken up from his nap and is in a really bad mood.  Elliott is not allowed to talk,  if he does Emmett just screams.  We have told Emmett at Elliott is allowed to talk but it’s not making a difference.

Thankfully,  Elliott isn’t in a very talkative mood or things would be worse.

Gavin is still sleeping so I’m going to have to wake him up soon. He would sleep all day if we didn’t intervene and I mean that literally.

The screaming has got to stop because it’s very slowly eroding away what’s left of my sanity. I can’t imagine how Lizze feels with her migraine.  :-(

As long as everyone is quite,  Emmett is calm.  So, my goal is keep the house as calm and quite as humanly possible. However,  with 3 boys on the #Autism spectrum,  it’s not likely to happen.  However,  I’m not a quiter so I’ll try to accomplish that regardless of the odds. :-)

At this point,  anything that will stop the screaming is on my list of things to do.

Do any your kids not like other people talking or singing?  I would assume it was a control or sensory thing.  Having said that,  what kills me is that Emmett can talk,  laugh,  sing or scream and it’s okay. It’s just that no one else is allowed to. 


**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

Please join our Autism Help Forum

Look for “Autism Help” app at the Google Play Store Registered & Protected

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May 23 2012

Louder than words


You all hear me talk about Emmett’s fever flares quite often.  I also talk about the mouth sores as well. 

I think that for those of you out there that have never experienced this first hand,  may not be able to appreciate what a person going through this must endure.

This morning,  Emmett broke out with more mouth sores. 

They will eventually spread throughout his entire mouth and grow to about the size of a quarter. Sometimes a picture can speak louder than words.

Please keep him in you thoughts. 


**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

Please join our Autism Help Forum

Look for “Autism Help” app at the Google Play Store Registered & Protected

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Apr 14 2012

#Autism: Can we talk about seizures


I’m new to this whole seizures thing and so I’m not sure what to do.  Gavin is still having absent seizures,  even on the depakote.

Lizze walked into Gavin’s room this afternoon and he was sitting in bed,  holding the remote for his NetFlix box and staring at a blank screen.  When she tried to get his attention,  he wouldn’t respond.

After the 5th or 6th attempt to get his attention he startled because to him,  it was like Lizze had come out of nowhere.

The time it took for Lizze to get him to respond was maybe 30 seconds.  However,  we have no idea how long it lasted prior to that.  It was long enough that whatever show he had been watching had ended and timed out.

Are absent seizures as dangerous as other seizures?  I don’t know what we are supposed to do.  I mean I know how to respond to someone having a seizures but when it’s your own child,  it’s different. Also,  I’m more familiar with treating the more obvious seizures in the back of an ambulance.

Until we hear back from the neurologist I guess we have to just keep an eye on him.

Did I ever say how helpless it can feel at times to be a special needs parent?  Right now I have two boys suffering and I have nothing to help them with.

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

Please join our Community Autism Support Forum Registered & Protected

Posted from WordPress for Android so please forgive any typos as auto-correct and I don’t see eye to eye. :-)

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