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Tag Archive: reactive attachment disorder

Jul 13 2013

I’m losing my son……..

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Gavin

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July 13, 2013

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Gavin’s health, both mental and physical has been going downhill for many, many years. We have seen countless doctors and specialists, in a bid to do everything humanly possible to help him.

Unfortunately, we’ve reached a point where there isn’t much more that can be done.

Right now, we are currently dealing with him being in the middle of a psychotic break.

He’s on the hardest of the hard-core anti-psychotic medications and mood stabilizers. There isn’t really anywhere left to go, as his doses are currently close to the max.

Lizze and I have talked about trying to have him admitted to the psych unit again, for the purposes of stabilization.

Truthfully, that’s not really an option because Gavin is a chronic case and not acute.

Things at home are much worse than we thought. Lizze had a conversation with Gavin this afternoon and learned some very disturbing things. It’s more heartbreaking really.

We learned that Gavin’s invisible friends Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Amy and Jack don’t actually live with him.  Instead, he lives with them.

We also learned that he sees things in his room that we can’t.  This goes above and beyond his invisible friends.  He’s describing large computer monitors and all sorts of gadgets. Turns out he thinks his room is like some sort of command center. 

His room is also inside Sonic, Knuckles and Amy’s headquarters.  Tails apparently lives behind the giant metal robot behind our house.

He’s spending more and more time with his invisible friends and less and less time engaging with real life people, like his family. 

I don’t know what to do. 

I really think that he needs some sort of inpatient care but because of his health problems, that’s essentially impossible.

I’m totally lost and tired, pardon the pun.  Lizze and I are heartbroken and don’t know what to do.

It seems like all we can do right now is watch him unravel and decompensate.

Monday we are going to have to get him back in to see Dr. Reynolds and discuss our options. 

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Jul 12 2013

My teenager with #Autism and #RAD

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Autism, Gavin, Reactive Attachment Disorder

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July 12, 2013

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When Gavin and Elliott came home from Lizze’s parents house today, Elliott was pretty upset.

Gavin likes to monopolize the TV while he’s at his grandparents house.  This happens at my parents house as well.  Regardless of what anyone else wants to watch, Gavin claims the remote and watches what he wants. 

We’ve spoken with Gavin about this on many occasions. 

Elliott was trying to tell Gavin how this made him feel and Gavin was completely blowing him off.  We tried to get Gavin to understand how his actions impact others and he just wasn’t having it.

Gavin’s always been like this but sometimes it’s worse than other times. 

Overall this wasn’t a huge deal. However, that changed when he decided to run his mouth to Lizze in response. I’m sick of Gavin doing stuff like this to Lizze and I out my foot down.

This behavior is very typical of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Gavin will be having oatmeal in the morning but he will also be writing an apology letter to Lizze and Elliott both.  To ensure that he doesn’t just blow this off, I mandated that the letters be at least 50 words long. 

This shouldn’t be a big deal because Gavin loves to write. 

My goal is to force him to think about how he’s dismissing other people’s feelings and only thinking of himself. 

Before anyone jumps all over me for being insensitive, don’t bother.  I know what I’m doing and I know why I’m doing it.  While Autism certainly plays a role in his behavior, so does Reactive Attachment Disorder.  As he gets older, Autism seems to become less and less pronounced, when compared to his much more serious mental health issues.

Lizze and I need to employ outside the box approaches. That’s the absolute bottom line. 

Hopefully, Gavin will learn something from this but I’m not holding my breath.  At least the people impacted by his behaviors see that it’s not acceptable to be treated like that. 

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Jul 08 2013

Oh the joys of raising a RAD teenager with Autism..

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Reactive Attachment Disorder

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July 8, 2013

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I mentioned earlier that the E’s returned home this afternoon from their grandparents.  It’s nice to have them home because I missed’em.

With that said, we are once again thrust back into the  reality of our lives.

When the younger boys are gone, Lizze and I can relax because we don’t have to supervise Gavin’s every move.  When Elliott and Emmett are home, Gavin is not allowed unsupervised contact with them.

This is a rule created by Gavin’s psychiatric professionals and we have to enforce it. We totally agree with it but it’s exhausting to enforce.  Since the boys have returned home, we will have to clock back in and put the rules and restrictions back into place.

I really wish it wasn’t this way.

I wish we could trust Gavin with his younger brothers.  Unfortunately, we are unable to do so and because we ensure the safety and wellbeing of everyone in this house, the rules are necessary.

While it isn’t Gavin’s fault per say, he is responsible for the choices he makes and is culpable when they result in injury or inappropriate contact with someone. Of we are not vigilant, these things can and will happen.

Oh the joys of raising a RAD teenager with Autism..

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Jun 27 2013

We just survived a massive tantrum

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Gavin, Tantrums

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June 27, 2013

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We just survived Gavin having his first, truly massive tantrum since returning home.  He was talking about something that was not appropriate for his little brothers and Lizze asked him to stop at least 6 times and he just kept going. 

I was upstairs trying to get some work done and by time I was got downstairs, Gavin was already winding up.

The consequences were that he won’t be able to spend the night at Lizze’s parents on Friday. 

He lost it. 

The tantrum that ensued was nothing short of massive and full of drama. He was totally trying to manipulate us by his behavior. 

I sat in a chair and took a calm, yet firm approach. I was verbally tough but not abusive in any way. 

This is the only approach that works. 

While many people may feel that I’m too hard on him or I’m not showing him any compassion, they’re wrong.  What that tells me is that they have never dealt with a child like Gavin and they can’t tell the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. 

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This event was documented because I always want to make sure that we can prove what took place.  Also, enlight of our brush with Child Protective Services, it’s even more important to document these events if they should ever be called into question.

I’m hesitant to share this video because this whole CPS thing has changed everything for us. 

Having said that, they are aware of this site and it’s purpose.  If I back down and allow fear to dictate what I share, than the person that started this whole investigation by filing a false complaint, would have won.

Lizze and I have to talk about this,  but for now I’ve shared what took place

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Jun 13 2013

Is the problem behavioral or medical?

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My thoughts

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June 13, 2013

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I owe you all the rest of the story from our appointment with Dr. Patti on Tuesday evening. We know now that Gavin is in fact both psychotic and manic and we began addressing that tonight with a change in medication.

What I didn’t have time to share with you all yesterday has to do with bladder control issues we’ve been dealing with. 

Our appointment in Cleveland that has been rescheduled for the 26th of June, was to rule out any physiological or structural problems that could be causing this to happen. 

However, Dr. Patti reminded me last night that this could very well be a behavioral issue.  It’s something commonly seen in kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder and bipolar as well. 

I had actually completely forgotten about that. 

For a very long time, we had issues with Gavin relieving himself in very inappropriate places, like the floor register in his bedroom, just as an example. 

I’ll leave it at that but what Dr. Patti said makes a lot of sense. 

However, it’s also possible that this is an autonomic issue as well.  Gavin’s neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic wants to rule out physical problem with his bladder before we explore the autonomic side. 

Once again, we have at least 3 possible causes to the bladder control issues Gavin has be experiencing. 

Personally, I feel that it’s either behavioral (which he has a documented history of) or autonomic.  Perhaps it’s a combination of the two.  Perhaps it’s something all together different. 

Who the hell knows?

This is a perfect example of what makes Gavin so complex. 

On the surface, it could be one of three things or some variation or combination as well. 

With the history of behavioral issues surrounding urinating in places other than the potty, it could very easily be behavioral. However, with all the autonomic dysfunction and neurological regression, this could be totally outside of his control. 

The only thing we can rule out for sure is a structural problem.

Once again the water surrounding Gavin’s condition is made muddy by the many complex pieces that make up who he is. 

Frustrating and daunting are the words that come to mind when I think a out how we are going to address this. 

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May 11 2013

The emotional impact of 24 hours with Gavin

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Gavin

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May 11, 2013

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Gavin’s been home about 24 hours already.  He’s actually doing pretty well and we haven’t had any direct problems with him. 

That doesn’t mean we aren’t having problems though. 

Sometimes, the emotional impact of something can be just as significant and disrupting as a physical one. 

This is certainly the case right now. 

I love Gavin and when he’s not home, I worry about him and wish that I could bring him home once again.  However, it’s clear to me, at least at this point that it’s best that things are the way they are. 

When Gavin’s home, even when he’s perfectly well behaved, there is a cloud of tension and anxiety that falls over everyone in the entire house. 

I don’t know how else to describe it.

If you are a parent, sibling or friend to someone with reactive attachment disorder, this probably makes sense to you. 

It’s not meant to be a put down on Gavin at all.  Unfortunately, it’s just the reality.  While he’s home, everyone’s on edge.  Everyone’s nervous for what he might do.  No one treats him any different or avoids him.  In fact, the boys are thrilled that he’s home and just want to play with him. 

I like the visit as well. 

However, none of this makes the visit any easier or the emotional fallout any less. 

When you’ve lived with a child with RAD, you know that you can never let your guard down, no matter how pleasant they may be at that moment.  What they are capable of is forever etched into your mind and you know that at any moment, things could go very badly, very quickly. 

It’s honestly a very conflicting experience, especially emotionally. 

I can see it in the boys already.  They’re overstimulation shows through and their ability to cope with things is affected. 

For the next few days, they will remain on edge as they slowly come down from all the excitement, anxiety and stress of having their big brother home for a day. 

As much as I wish things were different, they are what they are. 

All we can do at this point is make the best of what’s going on and do what we can to focus on as much positive as possible. 


This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. 😉

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. 😉

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.



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May 07 2013

Reactive Attachment Disorder: It just never ends

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Reactive Attachment Disorder

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May 7, 2013

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If you’re familiar at all with kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder, what follows with likely make a great deal of sense to you. 

As you know, Gavin’s been living with his grandparents for awhile now. 

While Gavin was living at home, he was too aggressive, abusive and violent.  While these were all choices he made, he’s not a bad kid.  He’s a kid with very serious mental health problems that not his fault.

Anyway, one of the things that kids with RAD do is create chaos within the home.

Gavin used to do things just so that he could sit back and watch Elliott and Emmett fight.  I know how that sounds and I know that some people will say, that’s what brothers do. 

I assure you that this was anything but innocent, brotherly behavior. 

Even after he’s left the house we are once again experiencing problems.  This time it’s being done from a distance but still carrying quite a wallop.

While Gavin lives at his grandparents, he lives by their rules.  We have set in place some basic guidelines but the day to day things fall to them.  That only makes sense.  We can micromanage things and right now, as long as certain things are done (related to his health problems) the rest isn’t of major concern to us. 

Gavin seems to get toys much more often than he would if he were living at home. I suppose you could say that he’s being spoiled but again, it’s not that big of a deal. 

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The problem is that Gavin, when he sees his little brothers is saying things like, “Grandma bought me this or guess what grandma bought me.”

Essentially, he’s rubbing it in their faces. 

Now this could be completely innocent, but I don’t believe that to be the case.  This is exactly the kind of thing that he would do at home. 

He’s been told to stop doing this but he’s continuing to do this and it’s now caused quite a bit of animosity between him and his brothers. 

Elliott is especially angry and hurt.

It’s bad enough that because everyone I’d helping so much with Gavin, the other boys get left out. This is becoming more and more of a problem..

They miss their grandparents and they even miss Gavin. 

Everyone involved is doing the very best they can in a difficult situation.  Neither of parents are intentionally ignoring the boys.  It’s just that they can only don’t much and they know how important it is to keep Gavin out of the house. 

It’s become a tradeoff of sorts.  🙁

I just spoke with Gavin about this yesterday because it came up once again. 

Even absent of his presence at home, he still manages to create chaos.   


This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. 😉

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. 😉

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.



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