Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,

Tag Archive: hallucinations

Jul 22 2013

What I find interesting about my son’s hallucinations


I’m trying to handle Gavin’s hallucinations in a calm manner. We listen to all his stories allow him to talk to us about his adventures.

Today was one of those days that he was deeply entrenched in hallucinated world’s.

In the picture below, you can see how he documented his poker game with his less than visible friends. Gavin was the winner of the poker game, Sonic came in second and Manic was the third place winner.

I always find it interesting how these things work out because he never likes to lose at anything in real life. He doesn’t lose to his less than visible friends either. 

Some how, he always seems to win, although he does admit to cheating. As crappy as this situations is, it’s a real educational experience as well.

We are trying to make the best of the situation.

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Nov 15 2011

Scary thoughts


Gavin told me something yesterday,  that had gotten kinda lost in light of all the running around we had to do.
While on the way home from school and on the way to therapy,  he informed me that he’s having scary thoughts at school now. 

What does scary thoughts mean?  That’s a very good question.  Honestly,  no one really knows for sure.  However,  the common assertion amongst all the specialists is that scary thoughts is Gavin’s way of describing hallucinations.

Gavin,  while extremely intelligent,  lacks the ability to articulate much of what he experiences.  Scary thoughts is the best way he can describe what he’s experiencing.

The problem with not knowing for sure what he means is just that,  not knowing for sure what he means. 

It’s so difficult when you are dealing with a child as complex as Gavin because their just isn’t alot we know with absolute certainty. Despite Gavin’s best attempts to explain what he’s experiencing,  he just can’t do so in a manner the really helps to clarify anything.  The only thing we know for sure,  is that he is experiencing something that is very upsetting to him. 

As his father,  it’s frustrating and heartbreaking,  to not be able to know for sure what is going on.  We do know that the medications are helping.  However,  when he tells us about the scary thoughts we are left to wonder whether of not his meds are still working.

We have to then,  meet with the doctors and based on what we do know,  make a decision as to how to address this situation,  if at all. 

We get torn between wanting to provide him relief and not wanting to further medicate him. 
This is never easy….

– Lost and Tired

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May 25 2011

A Clozapine review



Gavin and I are at Dr. R’s. We are following up on the Clozapine and reviewing Gavin’s progress.

While I completely agree with the medications I do have my concerns. Gavin’s chest pain for one. Most likely nothing, but it could also be related to the Clozapine. Gavin is also still forgetting things more frequently now. However, the hallucinations seemed to have stopped and that’s a GOOD thing.

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Apr 12 2011

Autism and it’s complexities..


Autism complicates everything for my family. Gavin is by far the complex child we have. By complex I mean he has the most difficult issues to deal with. Here’s the latest example. Gavin has a history of chest pain. We’ve had him checked out many times and everything is always ok. The reason for the concern is that on his biological father’s side of the family there is a history of spontaneous aortic ruptures or tears. Gavin’s biological aunt died recently during child birth and she was barely 30 years old. Gavin’s biological has heart related issues as well. We only have bits and pieces of information because they no longer have contact with us and even when they did they wouldnt tell us. So the concern is for good reason.

Gavin has myocardia (spelling is off and maybe the name as well). Basically his heart is in the middle of his chest instead of off to the side. Not necessarily a problem just unusual, I guess. Anyway, the problem is that all Gavin can tell us is that his chest hurts. He can’t do into more detail then that. If he tries it just doesn’t make any sense. So when his chest hurts we can’t ascertain any more information then “his chest hurts”. I was a paramedic for a long time and if I could get accurate information from Gavin then we could pick a direction to go in. Gavin is VERY general and so “chest hurts” could literally mean any number of things. So because we can’t take any chances we have to pack him up and take him to the hospital.

I’ve lost track of how many times we have done that. We do this because we have to and because we can’t get reliable information from him. Also the “one” time we don’t go it will end up being something serious. We can’t afford to take any chances with his life. So in that spirit, we will be putting everything on hold once more because Gavin says he is having “chest pain” again.

So after we see Dr. R for Gavin’s hallucinations we will be driving up to Akron Children’s Hospital to visit the cardiologist for another echo to make sure everything is ok. This may have been avoidable if we could get more reliable information from Gavin. This impacts more then just us because we have to pull Gavin out of school and find someone to watch the other 2 boys (and pick Elliott from school). This is all last minute so it’s not easy to find the help we need.

If Gavin were not Autistic then he would likely be in a position to better articulate what he is experiencing. This is just one of the MANY ways Autism makes everything so much more complicated then it might otherwise be.

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Apr 07 2011

Not looking forward to today….


We have to get Elliott of to school as usual. Shortly after that Gavin has his 11 year appointment at the pediatrician. The kicker is that he’s getting shots, at least 2, and possibly 4. This is NOT going to go over well. One shot….mayber but more then that is going to cause Gavin to go over the edge. It will take many people to accomplish this. When he was younger it would sometimes take up to 6 or 8 people to hold him still long enough to get this done. I have having to do that but the vaccines are to important not to.

This will be much more challenging because he’s already disorganized and so he will less control over himself. He’s also much stronger now. The problem with be the anticipation of each additional shot. This is what will cause the panic and subsequent meltdown. Many times having to do this whille he’s begging for help makes me cry. He doesn’t understand that I’m doing this because I love him and want to keep him safe for diseases we CAN actually prevent. This will set the tone for the rest of the week and it will take him days to recover. The hallucinations will likely become worse at least for a while due to the anxiety.

After that we have to get Emmett to school and then pick Elliott up and then back to get Emmett. We are meeting with Elliott’s teacher tonight and then Lizze has an appointment.

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Mar 28 2011

Something I hadn’t considered……


Something Lizze and I both failed to consider is whether or not Gavin is suffering from delirium. When he was at the Cleveland Clinic last year that’s what they diagnosed him with. They told us it’s a life threatening condition.  I don’t know how we overlooked that. We got caught up and focused on the hallucinations and wanting to stop those for him that we failed to see the larger picture.

Gavin sees someone at Dr. R’s office today and we will figure out what needs to happen. As much as I mentally prepared for this conversation I’m not ready to have it.

Putting aside for a second what Gavin may need, what about the rest of the family. How will we survive with this added pressure? How can we be two places at once. Dividing and conquering is no longer a realistic option. If Lizze goes with him and stays then she can’t take her meds. That will have a devastating impact on her. She can’t physically watch the kids by herself either because again she couldn’t take her meds. If no one stays then we will be driving back and forth almost everyday and we CANNOT afford that either. There’s also the physical and emotional toll. As I said Lizzie will probably have to stop at least some of her meds either way. That will disrupt the fine balance she maintains with fibromylagia (if you you even want to call that a balance).

Then we have to guilt factor….and whether it should be or not it weighs heavy on us.

2:45pm we go in to figure out what we are supposed to do. We need everyone on board to make this as painless for everyone as possbile…..

Please say a prayer today around that time…….

-lost and tired

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Mar 27 2011

The hallucinations continue….


I never in a million years thought I would EVER be having this conversation with one of my kids. Does this sounds familiar at all to anyone? This is NOT his imagination. This is what a psychotic episode is like. Hopefully this will help Dr. R to decide what we need to do. If anyone has seen this type of behavior please let me know. I’m at a complete loss. This is what has happened in the past except now he seems to be able to articulate the experience better. To me this is another psychotic break, meaning he has lost touch with reality. He did go to sleep after his Ativan and is resting for now. Please know that I was flying blind here. I didn’t know what to say. I just needed to gauge whether it was his imagination or something worse. I did the best I could considering I had no idea what I was doing.

As his father it’s hard to watch him go through this. He really seems emotionless. He’s so “matter of fact” when he’s talking about what he’s seeing. That really bothers me because it”s almost as though it’s a normal thing for him. That breaks my heart. We need to get him help. Monday will be spent making calls and preparations. Please say a prayer for Gavin.

Edit: I do understand what he is saying. I’m just trying to be careful how I word the questions. I’m doing my best to not put words in his mouth..if that makes sense..


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