Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,

Tag Archive: fight

Jul 24 2013

I hope this makes you smile


I haven’t done one of these in a while.  However, while at Dr. Pattie’s office yesterday I snapped this picture.  I was taking pictures of Elliott and Emmett having a noodle fight.

If you look in the background, you’ll see Gavin doing God only knows what. 

It’s pretty funny because I didn’t even notice this until after the fact.  I think Gavin was pretending to run away scared.

Honestly, I don’t care what he was actually doing because he was having fun and wasn’t hurting anyone.

I thought you all might get a smile out of this one. I know I did.  🙂


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Jun 12 2012

The Lighter Side of #Autism: Just the 3 of us


Today,  we had a really quiet,  peaceful and memorable moment.  Both of the younger boys wanted to snuggle Daddy at the same time.  Typically,  this can lead to a fight but they did really well and that’s awesome.  These moments are definitely much lighter than many others.  I live for these moments because it reminds me of when they were babies and we didn’t know any of the things we know own now.  It was just peaceful moments, find with hope for the future. 


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May 19 2012

Dear God, Please help me to understand…




Dear God,

Please help me to understand because I don’t.

I’ve had migraine headaches since I was pregnant with Gavin. That’s 13 years now, in case you lost track. I’ve lived with this curse. I’ve learned to function with them. I’ve found a way to fight my way through the pain, at the expense of myself and those closest to me. Only to have my country tell me that they are “simply headaches and everyone gets headaches”. Only to have them get worse now, after 13 years.


I suppose I should feel lucky – and I’m sure some will tell me I should – because I’ve made it this long with the pain maintaining a status quo even if the frequency has increased. But I don’t feel lucky and I won’t. I can’t. How can I when I’m now losing sleep because of them? How can I when I’m now waking up and making a mad dash for my Zofran, praying – to you ironically enough – that I take it in time to avoid vomiting. I’ve never vomited from a migraine before but that’s all changed now.

Now my anti-nausea medications rarely work. Now I can’t eat because it all sits heavy and tastes horrible because of the pain in my head and the nausea in my stomach.

Now I am making mad dashes for the bathroom, the kitchen sink, the shower room tub, anywhere away from Rob and the Boys so that I might be alone when I lose the contents of my stomach.

I read somewhere once that migraine sufferers vomit to help release the pressure in our heads. That vomiting is actually supposed to help the pain. Why doesn’t it help mine?

I’m losing weight because of the pain. Because I can’t eat. Because I can’t keep food down.

God, help me.


What am I supposed to do?

It’s so bad that I tried to take my pain medication and anti-nausea medication a little while ago and I had to physically fight to get the pills down. And then I had to fight again to keep them down. I almost lost the battle at one point. How long am I supposed to go on like this?

While we have this open dialog going, God, there are a few more things I would like to ask you about, if you don’t mind.

I’ve heard – repeatedly – that you never give anyone more than they can handle – and while that’s a lovely sentiment, it would be really nice if you could put your trust and faith into someone else for a while. I mean no disrespect when I say that. I’m merely asking for a break in the seemingly endless onslaught of crap.

I had a therapist tell me once…

Elizabeth, everyone gets crap. Some get a little bit of crap at time, in a steady onslaught. (Like me.) Some get a little bit of crap here and a little bit of crap there but they get bigger loads of crap than the first person because it’s spaced out. Then there are the people who get big, heaping loads of crap in 50 gallon drums at a time. (This would be my ex-husband.)

While I don’t want to be either of the other two people because I can hardly handle being me, I don’t know how I would survive with larger loads then I already have.

I need a break!


We are breaking. Crumbling. Falling apart at the seams, slowly but surely, from the constant onslaught of crap.

While we are on the topic of breaking, crumbling and falling apart…I’m not sure you knew what you were doing when you gave me this life. No offense (and yes, I understand that I just told you I don’t think you know/knew what you were doing) but honestly, I sincerely think you missed the mark on this one.

I can barely hold it together under the strain and pressures of my illnesses. Then you add three children with basic special needs. Then you add major health issues for two of those children. I’m drowning and I haven’t even gotten to our living situation, lack of support (save a few people), or our financial situation.

You’ve given me too much for any one person and thank you for sending me Rob so at least I’m not alone. Even still, you’ve given us too much for two people. We are buckling under the pressure of it all.

God, please help me.

Help me to carry these “burdens” better, more effectively, more gracefully, more patiently, more compassionately.

I am not a very good mother or wife. I am not a very effective, patient or compassionate member of my family partly because of the pain (not all the time but sometimes, on days like today) and partly because I’m just in so far over my head. I want to be better for my family. They deserve better than the wife and mother they are current living with.

I am not a very good daughter or grand-daughter. I am not very appreciative or faithful. I should visit my grand-parents. They are both within a 5-10 minute drive so there’s really no excuse. And someday I will wish I had gone to see them both more than I have but it will be too late.

I am not a very good friend either. I am not a very good listener nor am I very patient or faithful. I should call my friends more than I do. I need to maintain my friendships because they aren’t going to maintain themselves and I only have a very few friends, whom I can’t afford to lose – nor do I want to because I love them dearly and for once in my life I’ve found people who actually accept me for me, as I am. Which is something I’ve never had before.

God, please help me to survive this and maybe ever learn to live and not just survive.

Please help me to understand.

Please help me.


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May 11 2012

Confessions of a special needs Dad (Honesty Post)


This is a pretty heavy post.  I’m really in a bad place at the moment and I need to vent.  Please be advised that this post is meant as a purge valve of sorts for me and nothing else.

Lizze is basically incapacitated.  It’s not her fault but it’s really making things challenging. Emmett is completely out of control and nothing seems to be helping him to relax.

Gavin, well,  I’m not even going to touch on that right now.  I have whole other posts underway on that topic.

I’m a patient guy but even I have my limits.  I’m so tired of the chaos and the screaming. I’m tired of all the drama that surrounds everything in our house. I’m even more tired of all the bullshit that goes on in this neighborhood.

Just as an example,  someone spit on my front door.  There is a huge wad of nasty,  dry spit on my front door.

My wife is being a bitch by the grade school kids walking home through our neighborhood. These kids are under the age of 8 and are having their own fight club.  Except they are putting these little girls,  that are in kindergarten,  into a circle and making them fight each other. These little girls eventually fight and they hurt each other while these other kids laugh and taunt them.

They use my front yard to do this in and Lizze is a bitch for breaking it up and calling the Police. She broke one of these up a few weeks ago and now every time they see her it’s, look,  there’s the bitch.
I hate struggling to get caught up on the mortgage for this house. It’s not safe to live here and I’m killing myself in oder to keep from going into default. Sometimes I honestly wonder why I’m putting myself through this,  just to live in a neighborhood that has almost killed me,  literally.

The stress is killing me and I know my demeanor affects the boys. I know the stress of all this is negatively affecting Lizze as well.

There are few things worse than feeling like you are powerless.

In my case,  I feel like my hands are tied. There is simply to much going on for me to be able to focus on what I really need to focus on,  in order to get us out of here. I bounce from one crisis to the next and all I can manage to do is put out the fire and not address the cause.

I haven’t vented in awhile and after the transmission died on our van,  again,  last week…..  I’ve been simmering at a nice about to lose my mind temperature.

Sometimes,  all I can do is vent,  because I can’t seem to do much else.

I’m watching Gavin continue to decline.  I don’t know how bad it’s going to get but it feels like we’re losing him. I feel guilty having to address his behavior because if we are losing him,  I don’t want this time to be spent constantly correcting him. At the same time,  he’s being sexually inappropriate with his brother and that is absolutely unacceptable. That is also the other post I have coming latter on today.

This is an impossible position to be in and while I don’t want to make Gavin miserable by having to aggressively address this behavior,  no one and I mean no one,  will ever touch my babies in that way. My sympathy for Gavin falls far short of my anger and outrage over his behavior.

When you factor in that I adopted Gavin and Elliott and Emmett are my biological children,  it somehow makes Gavin an outsider that is assaulting my kids.  Does that make sense?  I know that sounds weird but it’s just what I feel.

I did everything I could to protect Gavin from the abuse of his biological father and paternal grandmother.  I will do the same for Elliott and Emmett,  even if it’s from him.

God…. If feel sick even having to say that.

I do think know how much more I can take. I’m not perfect and I’m not so kind of super hero special needs parent. I’m overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, angry, scared and heartbroken.

This is simply really starting to get to me and I needed to purge.

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

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Mar 22 2012

Please pray for the Lost and Tired kids


Lizze got back with Emmett from the pediatrician’s office a little while ago. You’re not going to believe what he has now. Go on, guess…… If you guessed pneumonia, you’d be right. Apparently, it’s taken up residence in lower lobes of his lungs. The doctor says that we caught it early and that the antibiotics should take care of the problem and we will hopefully be able to avoid the hospital.

He also said that what Emmett has is very contagious and that his brothers with likely be next, if they don’t already have it. As you may recall, both Gavin and Elliott stayed home from school today because of fevers and a nasty cough. Elliott is getting worse and now has a fever of 103F. His cough is really bad and he looks miserable. The doctor wants them both to be seen in the morning. The concerns with Elliott is the fact that he has asthma and that makes this much worse. The concern with Gavin is two fold. Gavin also has asthma but also has no immune system to fight anything off. He just had an antibody infusion two days ago and hopefully that will help him fight this off.

I asked God to please stop allowing all three boys to be sick at the same time. Now I’m going to ask that he please help to keep my babies out of the hospital. At this point, I’m really concerned, especially with Elliott, who seems to be struggling the most.


Please say a prayer for my boys or just keep them in your thoughts. The next week or so is going to be very challenging. I’m really sorry to ask for this again, but I really appreciate it 🙂

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Mar 01 2012

I need my beauty sleep


Today has been a pretty stressful day.  We met with an attorney and had our eyes opened to the reality that if we choose to fight for Lizze’s disability, we will have a fight on our hands.

We have a few tough decisions ahead of us. 

Lizze and I are both completely exhausted and in desperate need of a few things to go right. 

The kids are in bed and homework is done.  Lizze and I are starting season 3 of Supernatural tonight.  We are so totally in this show. It’s kinda the only thing we have.

It would be awesome if Emmett would sleep through the night tonight.  I was up with him much of last night and so I could use some sleep.  Here to hoping 🙂

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Dec 27 2011

Breaking the cycle


OMG,  my kids are beyond overstimulated.  Everyone is at each other’s throats.

It’s like a cycle,  in the sense that the more the fight with each other,  the more overstimulated they become.  When things get this bad,  I typically try to break that cycle by removing everyone from the situation.

Tonight,  I think that it’s one of those times where I need to get everyone out of the house and out to dinner.

We do this,  only on the rarest of occasions because it’s not an easy task.  However,  desperate times call for desperate measures.

In a few minutes I will get the boys packed up and help Lizze out to the car.  I think Chinese food is in order and I hope this helps to break the cycle of chaos,  even for a little while.

I’ll let you all know how it goes.  I’m pretty nervous about this because the kids are all in rare form.

They need an emoticon for “fingers crossed” 😉

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