Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,



May 07 2013

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Reactive Attachment Disorder: It just never ends


If you’re familiar at all with kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder, what follows with likely make a great deal of sense to you. 

As you know, Gavin’s been living with his grandparents for awhile now. 

While Gavin was living at home, he was too aggressive, abusive and violent.  While these were all choices he made, he’s not a bad kid.  He’s a kid with very serious mental health problems that not his fault.

Anyway, one of the things that kids with RAD do is create chaos within the home.

Gavin used to do things just so that he could sit back and watch Elliott and Emmett fight.  I know how that sounds and I know that some people will say, that’s what brothers do

I assure you that this was anything but innocent, brotherly behavior. 

Even after he’s left the house we are once again experiencing problems.  This time it’s being done from a distance but still carrying quite a wallop.

While Gavin lives at his grandparents, he lives by their rules.  We have set in place some basic guidelines but the day to day things fall to them.  That only makes sense.  We can micromanage things and right now, as long as certain things are done (related to his health problems) the rest isn’t of major concern to us. 

Gavin seems to get toys much more often than he would if he were living at home. I suppose you could say that he’s being spoiled but again, it’s not that big of a deal. 


The problem is that Gavin, when he sees his little brothers is saying things like, “Grandma bought me this or guess what grandma bought me.”

Essentially, he’s rubbing it in their faces. 

Now this could be completely innocent, but I don’t believe that to be the case.  This is exactly the kind of thing that he would do at home. 

He’s been told to stop doing this but he’s continuing to do this and it’s now caused quite a bit of animosity between him and his brothers. 

Elliott is especially angry and hurt.

It’s bad enough that because everyone I’d helping so much with Gavin, the other boys get left out. This is becoming more and more of a problem..

They miss their grandparents and they even miss Gavin. 

Everyone involved is doing the very best they can in a difficult situation.  Neither of parents are intentionally ignoring the boys.  It’s just that they can only don’t much and they know how important it is to keep Gavin out of the house. 

It’s become a tradeoff of sorts.  :-(

I just spoke with Gavin about this yesterday because it came up once again. 

Even absent of his presence at home, he still manages to create chaos.   

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Jodi p
Jodi p 1 Like

Did he ever have attachments to people. It seams earlier in this blog there seemed to be attachments he had. Especially when he was younger

lostandtired moderator

@Jodi p that's a topic of some debate. It seems at face value he may have.  However, as we look back on things now,  it's not so clear.  Gavin can make superficial connections to people but nothing deep, if that makes sense.  

The sad truth is, we don't know anything with 100% certainty.  

autiesmama 1 Like

Rob, we get by and we get through. Sometimes that's just the best we can do. I am sorry, as I know this is tough even among siblings w/o RAD, but you're doing your best. Regards, Leslie

lostandtired moderator

@autiesmama thank you so much.  🙂 

CharlieOz 1 Like

Is it possible that Gavin is hurt and/or embarrassed by being taken out of the house, and his "bragging" is merely a cover for these feelings? It would make sense that he would want to "one up" his little brother who may be telling him things the family had been doing in his (Gavin's) absence.

lostandtired moderator

@CharlieOz not a chance.  Gavin doesn't want to come home because he's less restricted at his grandparents house.  Gavin doesn't make attachments to people and therefore, he prefers to be with people or do things that benefit him.  

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