Anything like Gavin is not an easy thing. I have always loved your frank honesty and that you counter it with love for your children. I know that you love Gavin with all of your heart and that your heart is breaking through these tough times. I think many of us parenting special needs kiddos have a love relationship with them and a hate relationship with their special needs. All parents love their kids but hate the tantrums and bad behaviors. I know that with Gavin's mental health he may not see the things you are doing as doing them with love but he may not see love ever at all in his life. I guess what matters most is that you and Lizze and the E's love him and you guys know that. As long as you remain a constant in his life even when he is out of your home, you are showing him love. The sad fact may be that when you visit him in a corrections facility, that you are visiting him. It is so important that you guys know that you love him by the actions you are showing him and not by how he reacts. Chosing between your children is hard but you are not choosing between them. You are still loving him and making the best choices for him and that is parenting. I firmly believe that my job as a parent is to help my children make the best choices in life and slowly when they are capable hand that responsibility over to them as they mature. Gavin is incapable of that so you must do it for him. Still parenting, still love, not choosing between your children. I also believe that you are not just dropping him at the door of some facility to never see him again. He is NOT being discarded as trash. The very fact that you are carefully researching ALL of your options shows your complete love for Gavin. Don't be so hard on yourself and know that there are people who understand not only your love for your family but also your circumstances.