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Confessions of an #Autism Dad: I’m so frustrated


I’m going to share this with the expressed purpose of helping you all to understand that it’s okay to feel this way. You shouldn’t best yourself up for getting frustrated or being overwhelmed by your child with Autism.

Last night at Dr. Pattie’s, we were trying to talk with Gavin about the problems he’s having in Math.

We were asking Gavin to explain what kind of problems he’s having in Math and he didn’t know how.  We literally  tried a million different ways to get him to understand    what we were trying to learn and it just wasn’t happening. 

I literally got to the point that I wanted to beat my head into the table we were sitting around.  It’s not Gavin’s fault and I’m not mad at him but it’s unbelievably frustrating.  We need information from him that he’s not able to give us.  I’m not talking anything complicated either. We just needed very basic information. 

For example, we wanted to know if he’s getting the answers right or wrong and he couldn’t even tell us that.  We just get that absent stare.

Dr. Pattie, Lizze and myself finally got to the point that we gave up.  We never made Gavin feel like anything was wrong because we very carefully chose our words and hid our emotions.

This is just how far he’s declined.  Dr. Pattie said that she remembers when Gavin amazed her with his intellect and now he can’t answer a simple question most of the time. 

I don’t know what to really do because his teachers say he’s doing great.

Having said that, Gavin tells me almost every day that he’s lost behavioral points in Math because he got frustrated and lost his cool.

One of my fears is that we will have to rely solely on what his teachers say.  How many of you would be comfortable with that? I for one, am not.  It’s not that I don’t trust the school but I have reason to question his particular teachers.  Remember the whole Gavin asking for help because he was in pain, and they told him “what do you want me to do about it?” …..and then did nothing about it…..

His teachers deny that it happened like that but Gavin was very clear and I believe him, as does Lizze.  For the record, we don’t always believe what Gavin tells us.

I’m so frustrated with this whole goddamn situation.  I can’t focus on anything because I feel like there is this huge, looming thing…..and I don’t know how to prepare for it.  For Christ sake, I don’t even know how to help Gavin make it through the friggin day anymore.
The only thing I can say at this point is that I truly believe that it’s normal to be frustrated bybthe situation and even by Gavin.  I’m not blaming him or looking down on him.  I’m simply recognizing the situation for what it is, frustrating as all hell.

God help us…….

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About the author

Lost and Tired

I’m Rob Gorski and I started this blog in January 2010 as a means of sharing my family’s real life journey raising 3 boys on the #Autism Spectrum.
It’s important for people to understand what Autism can really be like and the impact it has on the family. We aren’t a TV show and there are no actors. This is our struggle, our journey…and it’s all true.

I am “Lost and Tired” and
this is “My Reality #Autism”.

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You are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation and that is sometimes all you can do.  We are so used to being able to solve things (especially medical things), that we can drive ourselves crazy looking for a solution where there is none.  Gavin needs the medications he's on for critical behavioral reasons, so you have to accept the memory side effects, right?  If you think about it that way, maybe you give yourself a break.  Maybe at some point you will be able to draw a different line on the behavioral medication and then he will gain some memory and concentration back.   But as long as you are doing your best -- well, I guess it is hard anyway.  Hang in there.

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