Autism, Aspergers, Rob Gorski,Special Needs Parenting, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fibromyalgia,

Category Archive: Confessions

Apr 28 2013

Want to know what depression feels like?

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Confessions, My thoughts

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April 28, 2013

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My personal battle depression spans almost 2 decades. Like most things in life, I’ve had my ups and downs.  The same is still true today.

Everyday that I wake up, I struggle to stay on top of the depression. 

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I’ve always tried to stay in control of it, instead of it controlling me. For me, it’s better to look at it this way. Depression is a tricky bastard and something that is horribly, horribly stigmatized in our society. 

While I don’t have the statistics on me, I do know that I am far from the only ones fighting this often misunderstood and invisible condition.

I take Paxil everyday to help me manage my depression and it does seem to help. There are many different medications out there to help with depression. At this moment in time, my doctor and I have been using Paxil. This is likely to change in the near future as I think I need something a bit different. 

Anyway…….

Depression affects many aspects of my life.  It affects my abilities as a parent, husband and friend. It’s hard for me to stay focused on things and I often find myself unmotivated. 

I’m not as patient as I could be or would be otherwise and my frustration threshold is very low as well.

I’ve lost interest in things I used to enjoy.  I used to love playing video games but no longer have the attention span for them. I want to want to play them, I really do. I simply have no interest anymore.

Walking is something that I really do enjoy.  However, I have to really, really push myself to go.  I’m not lazy. It’s more like a lack of motivation.

Depression even affects my writing. I can’t always string two coherent thoughts together. This is really frustrating for me because writing has become such an important part of my life.

It’s really weird because I don’t want to feel this way but at the same time, I don’t care.

I could go on and on.

The point is that depression can impact every aspect of a person’s life. 

This is just a few of the ways it affects mine. 


This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. ;-)

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.



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Apr 27 2013

Confessions of an #Autism Dad: Sometimes I just want to give up

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Confessions

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April 27, 2013

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I swear to God,  sometimes I just want to give up and just stop.  Life is so full of frustration for me at times that I just can’t cope with it anymore. 

There is always and I mean always something that comes up or something that we have have to work around.

I wanted to take the kids to the park and let them have some fun, but Lizze can barely walk because of her knees and so I would have to do this on my own.  In the frame of mind I’m in, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to try this on my own.  I’m tired and don’t feel well and these guys are so full of energy and anxiety, that they would be all over the place. 

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Life is frustrating because we are financially dead in the water.

The last paid writing job I had let everyone go due to downsizing.  It was fun while it lasted but it didn’t last long. 

No matter what we do, we can’t seem to get ahead of the game, especially when it comes all these health issues. I spent a great deal of time just driving back and forth to appointments last week. 

It just feels like no matter what I do, it’s never enough.  I can’t seem to find relief anywhere for anything. 

Sometimes I just want to give up………


This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. ;-)

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.



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Apr 05 2013

Confessions of #Autism Dad: The weight on my shoulders

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Confessions

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April 5, 2013

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I want to share something with all if you that I have never shared before because I am ashamed.  Perhaps your imaginations are running wild, but it’s nothing really bad.  Either way, it’s something I’m not proud of but I’m no longer going to allow this to control me.

You might remember how I push for special needs parents to take care of themselves. 

This is something that I take very seriously myself and here’s why.  I used to be a body builder and was in really, really good shape.  I would hit the gym daily and I took really good care of myself.

In my prime, I was right around 220 lbs and solid muscle.

Everything changed after  I suffered a major back injury and I eventually became a parent and then a special needs parent.

I basically let myself go.  As of last week, I tipped the scales at just over 300 lbs, the heaviest I’ve ever weighed.  Between the low self-esteem and depression, things just got out of control and it affects every aspect of my life. 

Having said that, I’m very motivated to make a change or changes, if needed. 

Lizze and I both have been exercising and we started walking again, as the weather has warmed up.  My goal is to get back up to walking 25-30/week.

I want to work on my self-discipline and gain control over my diet. 

So far this week, I’ve lost almost 3lbs and Lizze has lost 10 lbs over the past two weeks.  She’s a huge inspiration for me because she’s determined to take her life back and she’s pushing through an unbelievable amount of pain in order to do this.

It’s so important that we take care of ourselves because our kids need us. 

I wanted to invite all of you to join Sharecare.com.
Dr. Oz and he partners have put together some amazing tools to help people gain control over their health.  There’s a huge support system in place and fun ways to track your progress. 

Trust me, I know how difficult this will be.  There are so many things we have to worry about that there never seems to be time to care for ourselves. 

Please, please work with me and let’s get healthy together.  If you’re already there, maybe you have share some advice and personal experience with the rest of us. 

I will be leading by example and hopefully my journey to better health will inspire others to do the same. 

This picture was taken yesterday, right after Lizze and I finished an almost 3 mile walk in about 45 minutes.  I’m so proud of her.  :-)

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This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. ;-)

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.

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Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2013/04/05/confessions-of-autism-dad-the-weight-on-my-shoulders/

Mar 08 2013

Confessions of a special needs Dad: Our plan going forward

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Confessions, Video Blog

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March 8, 2013

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Once again, here is the video blog I promised.  This is about 5 minutes long but it goes pretty quick.  By watching this, you will learn about how our meeting today went and what our plan is, going forward.

I’m also sporting my new Lost and Tired t-shirt. It says Lost and Tired on the front and I love someone with Autism on the back.  :-)

Please let me know what you think of this video and whether or not you like the idea of video blogs. 

Thanks again.

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This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos as autocorrect HATES me. ;-)

Check out my #Autism Awareness Store to find really cool and unique #Autism Awareness Clothing and Accessories, designed by me. ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.



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Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2013/03/08/confessions-of-a-special-needs-dad-our-plan-going-forward/

Feb 23 2013

Confessions of an #Autism Dad: My Fears

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Confessions

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February 23, 2013

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I wanted to share this blog that I did while waiting to pick up Elliott at school on Friday. It’s about 10 minutes and I talk about the wraparound process and I also share my biggest fears about this whole thing. 

I like doing this videos because it’s easier sometimes to speak than write.  I just need to get better at it.  :-)

This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos. I know how to spell but auto-correct hates me.  ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.


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Feb 08 2013

Confessions of an #Autism Dad: Completely overwhelmed?

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Confessions

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February 8, 2013

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I’m really feeling overwhelmed lately.  I guess that probably isn’t too surprising to hear but it actually doesn’t happen all that often. 

Right now the Lost and Tired family is going through some pretty big changes and change isn’t always easy, especially with autistic family members. What’s even harder is trying to keep everyone feeling like everything is okay.

I’ve mentioned before that we just shut our contracting business down after 13 years.  That is both a good and bad thing.  The business was a pretty big liability and one that really took a great deal of time and energy.  The last year or so, saw many changes in the housing market and they weren’t for the better. 

I wasn’t making much money off of it since I became a stay at home dad.  I was basically just trying to keep people employed. 
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I’m also struggling a bit with Gavin having been moved to his grandparents house.  It’s seems like that was a good thing and it was.  However, he’s still my son and I miss him a great deal.  He never really impacted me the way he did everyone else.  I was of course frustrated with his behavior, but I still miss him. 

Tax return was supposed to be a life saver for us this year.  I suppose it was but not in the way we had been hoping for. 

We were able to remove ourselves from the foreclosure chopping block and that was huge.  There were plenty of bills that we got caught up on but many more that we couldn’t.  We had planned on using this year’s return to get Lizze to the Chronic Pain Rehabilitation Program at the Cleveland Clinic.  We needed to cover transportation and or room and board.

Basically, I needed to cover fuel costs for the almost 6 hours worth of driving I would be doing each day, getting her back and forth. The other option was to cover hotel accommodations, food and business or taxi fares for her so she could spend the three weeks in Cleveland. 

Our plans fell through and now I don’t know what we are going to do.  :-(

Life seems to be full of uncertainty and even more so now than usual.

The stress is so bad anymore that I’m getting sick to my stomach lately.  I’m going to the doctor on the 15th for a meds check and to discuss making changes to my arsenal needed to continue fighting off my depression.

I’m just really beginning to feel almost panicked, in a way.  I don’t know what our future holds and my options are limited, at least until Emmett makes his triumphant return to school in the fall.

I’m trying to make time for myself. Sometimes all I can get is few rounds of the very therapeutic and satisfying Call of Duty Black Ops 2 multiplayer. Even if it’s okay ly a few rounds, it’s thoroughly enjoyed and very much appreciated.  :-)

 

This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos. I know how to spell but auto-correct hates me.  ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.


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Permanent link to this article: http://lostandtired.com/2013/02/08/confessions-of-a-autism-dad-completely-overwhelmed/

Jan 26 2013

Confessions of an #autism Dad: Depression is nothing to be ashamed of

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Confessions

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January 26, 2013

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I wanted to take a few minutes tonight and just let everyone know how my battle with depression is going. 

I think that depression is one of the most stigmatized of the mental health conditions. I’ve never quite understood why that is but it’s definitely stigmatized. 

It seems like no one ever wants to talk about it.

I’m the kind of person that doesn’t really care to much about what people think. I mean I do but I don’t.  Does that make sense?

If someone looks down on me because I speak publically about my depression, I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.  When I’m doing what I truly feel is the right thing to do, I can’t afford to care about what other people think, especially if their negative. 

Anyway, I share my story because I want to help dispel some of the stigma associated with things like depression. 

So many people are to ashamed to either talk about it or even get help for it.  Honestly, who can blame them when  society is often times less than compassionate towards those people. 

For me personally, I like talking about my battle with depression. 

I think it helps me to feel more in control of my life.  I feel like, if I don’t talk about it, the depression is controlling me more than I’m controlling it.  The very nature of life I’m living, won’t allow for me to be controlled by depression. 

I don’t mean to make it sound so easy because as anyone who has dealt with depression would tell you, it’s not. 

There’s a reason I use the phrase, my battle with depression.  The reason is pretty simple.  Every day spent with depression is a battle.  It’s like a battle for control over your own body and mind.  Maybe that’s a bad description but for me it makes sense.

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With that being said, here’s my update. 

I’m still on 40mg of Paxil, every day.  It’s helping for the most part. I mean, I’m still here….right?

Every day is a struggle,  especially to find the motivation to really do anything.  The weather doesn’t help out much and neither does the enormous amount of stress I’m under.

I have a follow up with my doctor in a few weeks.  We’ll discuss my progress and also whether or not my current medication is working.

That about sums it up.

If you feel you are suffering from depression, please get help. Talk to someone you trust and above all, please remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of. 

This site is managed via WordPress for Android, courtesy of the @SamsungMobileUS Galaxy Note 2 by @Tmobile. Please forgive any typos. I know how to spell but auto-correct hates me.  ;-)

For more ways to help the Lost and Tired family, please visit Help the Lost and Tired Family.


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